


Charmed

by MrsHamill



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-24
Updated: 2007-09-24
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:10:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McKay asks Sheppard for 'charm' lessons. Wackiness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charmed

**Author's Note:**

> The measurement of the speed of McKay's mouth must be attributed to Diana Williams. Susan and Linaerys whupped this puppy into shape for me, but any mistakes left are mine, all mine. The thoughts expressed by John on _Supernatural_ do not necessarily reflect those of the author. Honest. Shut up, Onci.

John was innocently cleaning his golf clubs when Rodney stormed into his room, without knocking or any other announcement... pretty much business as usual.

"Okay, you've got to help me on something, right now," Rodney demanded.

Frowning down at his driver, John said, "Yeah, it's good to see you too Rodney, how was the vacation and how's Jeannie doing? Oh, and welcome home, too."

"Yes, yes, yes." Rodney waved his hands. "Jeannie's fine and says hi but if I never see tofu again it'll be too soon and vegetarians deserve to be shot and maybe eaten. Can we stop changing the subject, now?"

John turned to glare at him. "The Daedalus came in this morning. You've been home _all day_ , Rodney, and I didn't even see you at dinner. Now you bust in here--"

"I was busy!" Rodney glared at him. "I came back with a complement of baby-idiot scientists and I was not about to turn them loose and unsupervised on my lab on their first day here! They're all completely helpless and nearly useless!"

"Still, you could have--"

"What are you, twelve? What difference does it make when I visited you, or do you need that much validation in your life? Can we get back to the fact that I need your help?"

John rolled his eyes. Why, exactly, had he missed McKay? "Fine," he said flatly. "What."

"I need to get married." 

It took a couple of long seconds for John to parse that sentence. "You need to _what_?"

"You heard me. I need to get married."

"Why? Are you pregnant?"

Rodney gave him a horrified look. "Do I look pregnant? Do you think that's even possible, even out here in the Pegasus galaxy and I know in _Enterprise_ they--"

John debated hitting Rodney in the head with his five iron, but was afraid the club would come out the worse for it. "Rodney. Why do you need to get married?"

"So I don't look pregnant? Fat? Are you sure? Because it was mostly tofu but--"

" _McKay!_ " 

"Right, fine, okay! I'm just asking..." Rodney looked at John's expression and frowned. "What was the question?"

John closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten. In Pashto. "Why do you suddenly need to get married, McKay?"

"Well, it's not that sudden, it's just that... well, I'm not getting any younger." John opened his mouth to speak but Rodney glared it shut. "And being with Jeannie and Kaleb -- did you know he spells his name with a K? Isn't that weird? -- and Madison, of course, and Jeannie's pregnant again, I think that facsimile of me inspired her or something..."

"Wait. Jeannie's pregnant?"

Rodney blinked. "Yeah. What, I didn't tell you?"

Okay, maybe his seven iron would be better. "No, you didn't," John said, slowly and distinctly. "Teyla will want to know, and Elizabeth too. We should find something to send her."

Rolling his eyes, Rodney said, "Yes, yes, whatever, but being with them, and Kaleb is a lot nicer than I remembered, and they're just..." Rodney flapped his hands. "They're just so good together. And after Carson..." Rodney paused again and John knew the expression on his own face matched the one on Rodney's, "it's just..." Rodney sighed. "Time goes so fast, and, you know, we could die at any time out here, and I don't... It's just I don't want to be, you know, alone any more. Life's just too short. So, I figured, married."

"That doesn't guarantee--"

"Yes, yes I know, but it's like I told Katie a while back, I can see myself married now -- I hadn't seen it before, but after everything that's happened, that stupid facsimile of me and now Jeannie is pregnant..." He broke off again. "I don't really look pregnant, do I?"

Some day, John was gonna wrap at least one of his golf clubs around McKay's head. "If it's so important to you, then just go ask Katie Brown. I hear she actually likes you." The 'for some reason' John added only in his head. He wasn't suicidal, after all.

"Ha ha. And I thought of that, but..." Once again, the McKay hands were flying without a permit. "She, uh, broke up with me. Not that we were really, you know, seeing each other, but..." He made a face. "She's seeing Mike Branton."

"Jesus, her too? What's he doing, sleeping his way through the city?" Finished with his clubs, John stood and carefully replaced them in the bag. "He's going to have something broken if he hits on Teyla."

"She might be the last one to succumb to his 'charms'," Rodney said, his voice snide. "Maybe he'll start working on the men next."

"If he does, he'd better be a little more circumspect." 

"Anyway, it wouldn't have worked out," Rodney continued. John plopped back on his bed and picked up one of the new issues of Golf magazine that had arrived on the Daedalus. Rodney finally stopped pacing and turned John's desk chair around, straddling it. "I mean, _botany?_ It's hardly a real science."

"Way to be tactful, McKay," John muttered, staring at an ad for a new golf bag which, hey! It had a built-in mini-bar.

"And that's my point!" Rodney was almost vibrating in place. "I suck at crap like this, making nice, being... being... I don't know, _charming_. Like _Rod_ was." The look of disgust on McKay's face was almost comical. "That's why I need your help."

John raised one eyebrow at Rodney. "You need my help to be charming? I think that's beyond the scope of things possible, McKay."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I can learn, I proved that, didn't I? I mean, Elizabeth showed me the EEG readings from when I almost ascended and they were good, you taught me the right stuff then, so why not now?"

John put the magazine down and rubbed his forehead: he was getting another McKay Special, he thought, and wondered if he had any Excedrin left. Maybe Keller would have some. "And what makes you think _I'm_ an expert on being charming?"

Rodney snorted. "Oh, please. You exude the stuff--"

" _Exude_? What the hell kind of language--"

"--You've got women throwing themselves at you, all the time, Ki--"

"You call me Kirk one more time and I'm gonna put your dilithium crystals where the sun don't shine, McKay," John growled.

Rodney shut his mouth and glowered. "It's true, you are. And you do. And you know it. Women around you... it's like watching a deer commit suicide by car."

"Christ, McKay, what's the weather like on your planet? I only wish I had women throwing themselves at me!"

"Oh, please! You've basically got a harem of ascended chicks--"

"You and your screwball ideas... Why don't you give me their names, then, because while I remember a couple, that's about it."

Rodney frowned at John in silence for a minute before waving his hand. "Doesn't matter, isn't germane to the discussion, the fact is you're very..." He waved his hand back and forth again. "...You know. Charming. And I realize my interpersonal skills are, um, faulty, at best. So I need to know how to do charming, how to be more... I don't know, nicer. Whatever. I mean, the way I am I barely get to dating before getting dumped."

"And I wonder why," John murmured. He sighed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd won an argument with McKay. Slapping the magazine down on his bed, he said, "Okay, fine. You want me to teach you how to be," he cocked his fingers in imaginary quotes, "charming, so you can find someone who will put up with you and marry you."

"Well, yeah." Rodney gave him an uncertain look and John reminded himself yet again that sarcasm had to be shoveled on before Rodney picked up on it. 

"And how do you expect me to teach you, Rodney? Bearing in mind," he added as Rodney opened his mouth, "that it has to be a permanent change or you're just going to be heading to Reno for a quickie divorce." 

Rodney blinked and John rolled his eyes. And people called _him_ Captain Oblivious. "Well," Rodney began, slowly, "I guess I'll just to date until I can be, you know, honest about me. About how I usually am."

"That's not going to work, McKay," John said, slowly and distinctly. "You want someone to stay with you, you gotta make it worth their while. You can't just change spots in mid-stream." Which was a terrible, badly mixed metaphor, but what the hell.

Grimacing, Rodney nodded. "Yes, yes. I know." He sighed.

Well, this could be amusing, John thought, and since they were temporarily grounded, he figured he could use some amusement. And maybe he would get a civilized Rodney McKay at the end of it, which was definitely made of win. Plus, winding Rodney up was one of his favorite pastimes, and this looked like it would be a mother-lode of opportunity for however long it took to get the guy's head out of his ass -- if that was even possible. "Okay, fine."

"You'll do it? Really?"

"Yes, I'll do it, really. But we've got to set some ground rules right at the start. Hand me my laptop."

* * *

It didn't take long to set down the rules of engagement, so to speak. Rodney would interact with John in a romantic sense -- he'd ask for 'dates,' talk to John in a friendly, flirtatious manner (though John doubted that would be possible), act as if John was someone Rodney was romantically interested in. In return, John would give Rodney feedback on how he was doing. They worked out a numeric scale, ranging from zero to ten. As a benchmark, John told Rodney his normal, day-to-day attitude -- at least with John -- was about four, barely. Three was more like it, with frequent dips towards negative numbers, particularly in the mornings before coffee.

It was inevitable that Rodney would ask, "What do we say to people who ask? I mean, I don't want your job _or_ your reputation to become an issue." After a brief pause, he added, "Or mine. Though maybe..."

John just glared at him. "If someone asks, tell 'em the truth -- I'm trying to civilize you for the general good of the mission. You know, so you can stop scaring the locals by just looking at them."

The withering look he got in response he took in stride.

They began the next morning, though not well. John was eating breakfast with Ronon when Rodney staggered into the mess hall, heading for the coffee urn. Everyone in the room knew Rodney well enough to get out of his way and John heard Ronon snorting in amusement. For some damn reason, Ronon actually liked McKay, or at least was used to him by now. Teyla once suggested they purchase a hose for one of the urns, so Rodney could just come in and siphon his caffeine without having to pause to fill a cup. Rodney actually gave the idea some thought but decided against it, thank God. John asked Teyla to just not make suggestions, at least when the suggestion involved Rodney.

It usually took McKay two cups to get through the breakfast line, so that when he finally made it to the table with his tray, he was on the third. He put it on the table across from John, slouching into his chair and grunting a greeting before picking up his utensils.

John shook his head and raised an eyebrow. "Not good, McKay. Less than a one, I think." He looked at Ronon, who he'd already filled in on the plan. "What do you think?"

"Maybe a half." Ronon continued to eat while he spoke.

Rodney groaned. "Oh, Christ. We have to do this _now_?"

"It was your idea, McKay," John reminded him. "And if you're serious about this whole 'must marry someone' thing, it's got to be twenty-four-seven. And from this side? It doesn't look good at all."

Rodney drained the last of his coffee and banged the cup back down on his tray, which he picked up as he stood, carrying it back to the coffee urn. When he returned, John almost laughed at the expression on Rodney's face -- he was making an obvious effort to look pleasant but it unfortunately came across as constipated instead. "Is this seat taken?" he asked John.

John smiled. "Nope, please, sit down. There was a grouchy guy there before but I think he left."

Rodney rolled his eyes but relaxed marginally. "Thanks. It must be purpleberry time on the mainland, thank God. I love these things." He dug into his fruit cup.

"Yeah, they're good," Ronon said, giving John a little amused glance. "I've gotta go. We still on for the afternoon run?"

"Yeah, but buzz me. I've got a meeting with Elizabeth at sixteen-hundred and I don't know how long it's going to last."

Ronon left the table and John went back to eating. Rodney kept shooting him little glances, but no, he wasn't going to give any hints. Rodney had to figure this out on his own or it wouldn't stick -- he knew the guy that well.

He tried to make small talk and was partially successful. John went along with it and gamely replied to all of McKay's sallies, which included the weather, the Wraith, the shortage of really good and inventive cooks, the weather, if the Athosians would ever be able to grow coffee beans, and the weather. When Rodney brought up the weather yet again, John figured he should put the guy out of his misery.

"Time for me to go, I think." John stood and gathered the remains of his tray and breakfast.

"Uh," Rodney said, blushing faintly. "Would you... I mean, are you... for lunch, would you like to..."

John shook his head as he stood. "No, sorry, Rodney, I'm working through lunch with Lorne, revamping the gate schedule."

"Oh." Rodney picked up his own tray and rose. "Then, maybe, I mean, dinner? If you...? Maybe?"

Holding a smile in, John said, "Well, all that was mostly a seven, but the last bit was a little desperate, so I have to lower it to a six."

"It was?" Rodney's expression went from pleased to incredulous in one easy step. "What do you mean, desperate?"

"I mean desperate, like you're desperate, in a... desperate way." He took his tray to the bussing station as Rodney followed. "This is supposed to be low-key, Rodney. For the first couple of times, anyway, the 'getting to know you' phase. No pressure, remember? And don't sound so damn desperate."

"Easy for you to say," Rodney muttered, shoving his tray on the rack with perhaps a little more force than necessary. 

"But I'll see you at dinner anyway," he said, taking pity on Rodney. "I usually eat at eighteen-thirty, you know. Which is something you would have found out about anyway, since you do need to know that sort of thing about your potential spouse."

They turned in opposite directions to go to work and John finally let the grin he'd been fighting win.

* * *

Dinner that evening was less awkward but still on the painful side. John had to hand it to Rodney -- he was really trying. After a few days, he began to relax more into civility and his scores started on an upward trend. John knew it was having an effect on pretty much everybody the day Radek Zelenka ambushed him with a surprisingly tight hug, mumbling heartfelt thanks in Czech and English. 

"It is not that he has stopped yelling," Radek explained in the face of John's shock, "for he has continued. When warranted. But it is not so loud, not so terrible any longer. I asked him why and he _answered_ me, instead of biting my head off."

Just a few days after they'd started, John answered the chime on his door to find Rodney on the other side. Now, that was surprising since generally Rodney would just barrel in, not stopping for such niceties, so maybe Radek was right and it was beginning to stick. "I need a... a... break, I need a break from this before I go stark, raving shitfaced, batshit insane," Rodney blurted as soon as the door was open. Remarkably, though, he did _not_ come in until John moved aside and nodded him in.

"You want a what?"

"A break from this... this whole thing, I want, no, I _need_ a break, because it's killing me how moronic those pseudo-scientific monkey-brained morons are and that's being cruel to monkeys!"

John dropped back into his desk chair, grinning. "No, tell me how you really feel, McKay."

Rodney poked a finger in his direction, nearly quivering with indignation. "There! You're doing it too, laughing at me!"

Letting his head fall back, John sighed. "I'm not laughing _at_ you..." He trailed off and frowned before continuing. "Well, okay, maybe a little, but it's because you're _funny_ , McKay. You say things and do things that are funny, and you should start noticing that, playing to that."

"I do?"

Patience was a virtue, John reminded himself. "Yeah, you do. But you're oblivious some of -- okay, most of the time, and you shouldn't be. Start paying attention, Rodney."

"Hmm." Instead of pacing like he usually did, Rodney sat heavily on John's bed and rested his head in his hands. "I guess I can do that." He sighed. "At least I've got that going for me, if nothing else."

"C'mon, McKay, it's not that bad. You're making real progress and we've only just started. Those numbers are getting higher every day."

"Now you sound like Keller," Rodney groaned, his head still in his hands and his elbows resting on his knees. "Except she says the numbers are getting lower."

Once again left in the dust by Rodney McKay's allegedly higher brain functionality, John said, "Huh?"

"My blood pressure. It's going down, which I can't understand because there are times, just today, even, when I've had to cut off a perfectly correct scathing remark to one of the semi-trained idiots I've been asked to 'mentor' and I've got to tell you, it sucks. I feel like I'm going to explode from it."

John tried to hold in the chuckle, he really did, but it kind of leaked out his mouth. "I really can't see you dating or marrying one of those trained monkeys, McKay," he said. "So why do you feel you have to treat them nicely?"

"Because that's the point, isn't it?" He finally dropped his hands and sat up straighter. "You said it; you're trying to 'civilize' me." He cocked his fingers into the air at 'civilized,' making it clear what he thought of the process. "Because God knows, I'm not exactly the world's best catch. Even if I am the universe's smartest person." He gave John a glare. "Did I tell you what that bad copy of me said to me before he left? How he envied me because I 'didn't have to be nice to everyone all the time?'"

"Yes, you told me." Several times, in fact. At great volume, even. "You're a catch, McKay," John said, turning back to his laptop. He obviously wasn't going to get any more work done on the report that was three weeks past due anyway. "We just need to make sure you impress the right people."

"I don't even know who the right people are," Rodney muttered. He sighed again. "Hey, listen. I was going to tell you I've got the whole second season of _Supernatural_ and--"

"The _second_ season?" That got John's attention. "You've been holding out on me? Wait, it's been released already?"

"Of course not." Rodney rolled his eyes. "I stole it from Jeannie. She's got a DVR and I got the discs from her. Okay, stole them. And, may I remind you, I've been _busy_."

"Fine, whatever, your place or mine? I've got to find out what happened after the car got hit..."

Rodney produced a CD case from somewhere. "Got 'em with me. You think I'd let these stay in my room? They're worth their weight in naquadah." 

John pulled the flat screen monitor out of his closet where it usually hid and set it up on the desk. "Cool. I'll provide the beer since you've got the discs." 

"As long as it's actual, drinkable beer," Rodney sniped and John didn't even call him on it, mainly because it was Molson. 

They settled down on the floor, their backs to John's bed, on the special memory-foam floor-pillows John had picked up at Ikea, the ones he used when it was just him and Rodney. Team movie nights were when they reserved one of the lounges with couches, but more often than not it was just the two of them. Neither Ronon nor Teyla liked Supernatural anyway, and John figured that made sense. You had to grow up on Earth to understand things like leprechauns and werewolves.

The first couple of episodes went by without a lot of talk. John found he really felt for Dean, the poor guy was all twisted up inside himself and had issues about his issues. "You know, I think they're doing it," John murmured at one point, after probably one too many beers. "You know. With each other."

"Oh, it's the kidding thing again, isn't it? Because please. They're _brothers_."

"So? It's not real life, McKay." What the hell, Rodney didn't seem to be offended, not really, anyway, and John probably should have eaten more for dinner than a sandwich and chips, especially before drinking his second beer. "I mean, even Heinlein said incest is best, right? Which, again, isn't real life."

Rodney was giving him a most peculiar look. "You really are insane, aren't you?"

"Oh, come on, Rodney." The disc needed changing and John stood to do that and to get more beer. "Look at the poor guy. He's always looking out for Sam, and do you think Sam looks like someone who needs looking after? The guy's a genius -- hello, free ride to Stanford? -- and pretty good with a right hook. But there's Dean, always trying to protect him, and it's obvious he loves him, worships the ground he walks on. Always following him, hanging out with him, watching out for him, helping him." Mission accomplished, John plopped down next to Rodney again. "Here," he said, handing over one of the opened beers. "I'm just saying. They could be doing it. Makes sense to me, I guess."

"Um." Rodney took the beer but still had a strange look on his face. Before he could speak, the next episode began and John got caught up, wondering if Dean was ever going to tell Sam what his father said to him. 

* * *

John didn't realize it until much later, but that was the point where things started to get a little weird. 

He caught Rodney giving him odd looks at odd times, like he was trying to figure something out but wouldn't say what. The civilizing project continued, and Rodney was doing surprisingly well, contrary to John's expectations. Then, one day at dinner, Rodney sat down opposite him -- next to Teyla and diagonal from Ronon -- and said, "Okay, now what?"

John blinked and shared a quick, bemused glance with Teyla. "'Now what' what?"

Rodney sighed. "You said it yourself; you've practically managed to civilize me. My scores are going up steadily. But that's only half of it, or even less." Rodney was buttering his roll, not even looking at John as he spoke. "You know. The flirting thing."

"Christ, McKay." John wanted to lean forward and bang his forehead on the table. "Again with the flirting."

"Dr. McKay," Teyla said in her best diplomatic voice (which was almost ruined by her lips twitching), "I believe Colonel Sheppard is not cognizant of doing what you call--"

"Oh, I know, I know," Rodney sighed. He started eating with his customary intensity but, as usual, didn't allow that to stop him from speaking. "And I guess it's more than that, it's more like..." He waved a hand around, which unfortunately was bearing a forkful of mashed not-potatoes and John said, "Hey!" as he took collateral damage. 

"Oh. Sorry." Rodney put the fork in his mouth and pulled it back out, empty. "It's more like, how do I, you know, approach? What do I do to show, I don't know, interest? Because you _know_ I stink at that."

"Okay, first off?" John used his napkin to brush dribbles of mashed not-potatoes off his shirt. "I do not flirt." He glared at Teyla who suddenly found her dinner fascinating. He ignored Ronon's snort. "Not even with your _sister_ , McKay. Second, just strike up a conversation. I know you can _talk_ , McKay, trust me, everyone on the base knows that."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, I can talk. But what about? I mean, I can't just sit down and... and... I don't know, talk about the weather?"

John took a deep breath, held it for a count of three then let it out slowly. "No, especially considering the weather here is pretty much the same all the time. I mean talk about what... what interests her. You know. You talk about plants with Katie--"

"No, I didn't, well, at least I didn't unless she brought it up." He frowned down at his plate. "Maybe I should have."

"Well, yes. That's the point, I think." John sighed; he felt another headache coming on. "Find out what she's interested in and go from there, you know, if she likes flowers, buy her a plant. It's not rocket science, McKay."

"I only wish it was," Rodney said morosely. "How do I find out? I mean, what do I do? How do I find out what... what...? I can't just... just walk up to... to someone and say, hi, what are you interested in?"

"You talk to her friends, McKay," Ronon said, saving John.

"Yes," Teyla offered, and John could have kissed her. Well, not really. "Once you have done so, you plan accordingly. For example, John is interested in college football, Ferris wheels and anything that goes more than two hundred miles per hour."

John blinked at her. "You remember all that?"

"Of course." She had that damned mysterious smile all over her face again. John _hated_ that smile. It always made him feel nervous.

"Two hundred miles per hour? That's fast?" Ronon asked.

"Very fast," John said, still feeling incredibly pleased that Teyla remembered what he liked and nervous -- she was still smiling. She hadn't even _seen_ a Ferris wheel. Yet.

"There you go, McKay." All three of them turned puzzled looks on Ronon. "It's at least as fast as McKay can talk, right? You're perfect for each other."

John burst out laughing and Teyla snorted tea out of her nose. Unfortunately, the room was crowded and Ronon's voice was carrying -- people at nearby tables who had overheard the conversation started laughing until it spread to the whole room. The only one _not_ laughing, of course, was McKay.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball." He scowled as he finished his dinner.

* * *

John didn't see much of Rodney for the next week. He sometimes joined John at breakfast or dinner, and his scores were rising so much John began to wonder if he should toss the labs for pods. He didn't dispute it was nice, however. This was a totally different side of Rodney, and John found himself actually _liking_ the guy, far more than Rod, who really had seemed a bit on the creepy side. Rodney being civilized, while a little strange, was easier to enjoy.

Then one afternoon, he got an email from Rodney. 

_Colonel:_

_Zelenka and I have made some modifications to 'Jumper One I'd like you to test. Could I interest you in a flight this evening during dinner? I'll provide the food._

_Sincerely,_

_Dr. Rodney McKay_

John had to read it twice to figure out what McKay was saying. If he wanted to test a new gizmo on a 'jumper, why go through the formal invitation? Definitely pod-searching time. That didn't stop John from replying that he'd meet Rodney in the 'jumper bay at eighteen hundred, though. Modifications were good and a man had to have his priorities straight.

Rodney was already aboard when John arrived, doing something with one of the drop-down panels. There was a large box on one of the benches. "Oh, hey," Rodney said as John entered. "Just a minute, I'll be done here in just a minute." 

From where John was standing, it looked like Rodney's hands were trembling slightly and he frowned. "What kind of mods--" he started to say, but was interrupted by Rodney.

"You'll see in just a second." Rodney pushed the panel back into place and stowed his laptop testing gear on the bench opposite the box. "Okay, then! Ready for a test flight?"

Yep, definitely nervous. "Rodney," John drawled, putting his hands on his hips, "what _kind_ of mods are we talking about here?"

Rodney flapped his hands. "Just sit down. Sit down and call up the HUD while I get us clearance to launch."

Still wary, John sat down and patted the 'jumper's panel proprietarily. As the roof doors opened, he took a deep breath and asked the 'jumper to pull up the HUD. It popped up, just as it always did, looking no different...

Wait. "Wait. Is that... it's in English?"

Rodney was almost bouncing in his seat. "Why yes, yes it is!" He half-turned and gave John a goofy grin. "It wasn't just you and Lorne complaining, it was all the pilots, they've all asked for an easier to read display."

"That is cool," John said, slowly and distinctly, reading the suddenly legible displays. "I mean, I could always sorta tell what it was saying, but--"

"There's more," Rodney interrupted him. "Go on, head out, we're cleared." 

John took them straight up, shooting through the top of the tower and clearing Atlantis' immediate space. After he'd leveled out, he brought the HUD back up, squinting at it. "What the hell is...?"

"Altitude and relative speed," Rodney smirked. "Altitude is from sea-level and won't be active unless the 'jumper is near a planet or moon, obviously. Relative speed is self-explana--"

"We're going mach two!" John said. "And I'm not even pushing her!" Beginning to get really excited -- that was one thing he'd never known about 'jumpers because it wasn't anywhere in the HUD -- he goosed her a bit more. She responded beautifully and climbed to three. "I never knew!"

"It's because the soundproofing and inertial dampers are so strong in the 'jumpers you couldn't feel or hear it when you passed the sound barrier," Rodney said, smirk still in place. "And that's another thing." He reached over to the side and pressed a button on a small box that hadn't been there before. Instantly, the 'jumper was filled with the shrill scream of the wind -- not so loud as to be deafening, but enough to give the passengers a better sense of what was going on outside. "That's something I've been working on for a while, since I thought it would be incredibly useful."

"Rodney, this is great!" John said, grinning ear-to-ear. "Can you do this to all of them?"

"Now that we know how, yes." After a few minutes, he turned off the audio feed. "Why don't you put her in orbit and we can eat?"

Still caught up in the HUD's new and easier-to-read stats, John just said, "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Between the two of them, Rodney and Radek managed to finish modifying all the 'jumpers within two weeks. Before they'd quite finished, though, they were caught up in some kind of Wraith push -- suddenly, they had refugees coming out their ears, and it seemed every mission returned hot. 

Rodney's scores remained high, though neither of them had much time to discuss it. Occasionally, John (or Ronon) would mention the project and ask how things were going with Rodney's stated desire to get married, _right away_. Rodney's response was that everything was fine and did they think he was made of time?

Before John knew it, nearly six weeks had gone by and the Daedalus was coming back in on its regular supply run. Mail call the day of arrival was always one of those crazy things. They usually gave everyone the morning off and distributed the mail at breakfast in the mess. Ronon and Teyla had mail from Jeannie (and from Madison, who had taken an instant liking to Ronon despite never having met him) and were reading their letters when Rodney returned with a rather large box. 

When John finally returned to the table after getting his stuff, he was frowning. There were two _Golf_ magazines. "That's strange," he said. His three tablemates looked up. "I forgot to re-sub during the last Daedalus run and I shouldn't have either of these."

"Re-what? Oh, you mean re-subscribe." Rodney scooped the last of his breakfast into his mouth. "That was me. Sorry."

"What?"

"Well, you know the science staff; we get an enormous amount of mail, all the so-called technical journals. It got to be such a pain in the ass to remember who subscribed to what that I just put all magazines under the science division and they get re-upped for five years automatically."

John blinked. He shared a puzzled look with Teyla before saying, "Rodney, I'm not in the science division and _Golf_ isn't exactly a technical--"

"Yes, yes, I know, don't worry about it. I've got to get back to the lab and... and do... something." Rodney put his tray on top of the box and hurried out, carrying both.

"Okay, that was weird." John glanced at Teyla, who raised one elegant eyebrow but said nothing. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, John just opened one of the _Golf_ magazines and started to skim though it. 

* * *

A few days later, John had arranged for team movie night with the newly acquired _Harry Potter_ movie -- Ronon was oddly addicted to them and even Teyla found them fascinating, for some damn reason. John could take them or leave them, but would cheerfully arrange them for the team as a whole. Rodney was in the reserved lounge when John arrived, holding a small box.

"Ah. Colonel." John put the DVD in the player and sat on the couch with Rodney, who had brought the beer. Teyla was supposed to be bringing the popcorn and Ronon the cookies. "You like college football, right?" Rodney seemed jumpy again, though John didn't know why.

"Yeah, you know that, Rodney," John replied, fishing two Sam Adams out of the cooler next to the couch. "Why?" He opened both bottles and handed one to Rodney.

"Yes, I know, yes. It's just..." Rodney took the proffered beer and passed the box over. "Apparently, Phillips subscribed to some sports magazine for her boyfriend and received this as a bonus or something like that. Her boyfriend, however, is far more civilized than some and prefers hockey over football. She was giving it away and I thought you might like it."

John looked at the box and felt his eyes almost bug out. " _The Rose Bowl, A Retrospective_? This is... these are DVDs!"

Rodney rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Yes, I'm aware of that, Colonel."

Getting increasingly excited as he read the box, John said, "This... this goes back before 1997! That was one of the greatest Rose Bowls ever played... it's got the 1961 CalTech prank! Rodney, this is... this is fabulous!"

"Well. Then." Rodney settled back into the couch, a smug smirk on his face. "I'm glad you like it."

" _Like_ it? Jesus, Rodney, I can't thank you--"

"Thank you for what?" Teyla asked, entering the lounge with Ronon in tow.

"Look what Rodney gave me!" John said, showing the box to them. 

Ronon looked at the box. "Oh, it's football?"

"Yeah! Hey, let's watch this instead--"

"No, John, Harry Potter is playing tonight," Teyla said firmly.

"Yeah. Besides, I like hockey more than football," Ronon added, settling down next to Rodney.

Rodney's smirk took on epic proportions. "I knew you had taste, Ronon," he said.

"Hockey has more fights," Ronon replied, but luckily the movie started before anything else could be said. 

John cradled his box of DVDs and completely ignored Harry's antics in favor of deciding he'd be up most of the night watching classic college football.

* * *

They were on stand-down status, again, while Ronon recovered from a sprained ankle and Teyla accompanied Elizabeth on the yearly 'grand tour' of their most important treaty worlds. John hadn't seen much of Rodney since team movie night, and heard through the grapevine that he was throwing himself into some sort of private project. John thought it might be that Rodney finally felt himself 'civilized' enough to get with the program and find someone to marry him. Though as far as John could tell, Rodney hadn't been dating and didn't appear to be trying to date, which was puzzling.

John was in his office, pretending to work when Rodney stuck his head in. "Busy?"

"Not really," John replied, relaxing back in his chair.

"I've... uh... got something you might want to... see. Sort of."

Frowning, John cocked his head to one side. "Something?"

"Yeah. It's out on the west pier." Rodney looked strange, a combination of embarrassment, nerves and something else that might be anticipation, but John wasn't sure.

Deciding he'd pretended enough, not to mention curious over what Rodney had been up to, John got to his feet. "Okay. Lead on."

It was way out on the southwest pier, about as far from the command tower as you could get and still be on Atlantis. Rodney led him into a huge room, easily three stories high and at least that much wide. There were two things in it -- a kind of bench seat and a small control panel sitting in front of it.

"Sit down," Rodney said, and John gingerly sat. The bench was on some sort of rocker; it moved like a rocking chair when he sat on it. Rodney joined him and stretched a safety belt across their laps. "Ready?"

"For what?" John asked, wary.

"This." Rodney pointed a remote at the panel and pressed a button. The lights went out and they were plunged into pitch darkness.

"What th--"

"Just hold on. You might want to close your eyes because when the lights--"

The room almost exploded into light and sound. The bench they were on swayed in a breeze and he could feel it rising. Suddenly he realized...

"We're on a Ferris wheel?" he whispered. His left hand gripped the side of the bench. Beyond them, he saw a colorful city moving down and away. 

"Not really," Rodney began. He was giving John an apprehensive look.

The shape and size of the city beneath them began to clear. "Is that London?" John asked, incredulous.

"Yes. Are you familiar with the _London Eye_? The huge Ferris wheel on--"

"On the Thames. Yeah, I know about it, but I've never been there..."

"That's what the simulation is based on. Only speeded up, because that thing is _slow_." John heard Rodney's words but didn't try to translate them, he was too much in awe. "I've only got three scenes, London, Louisville and Chicago, but there'll be others, and once I can get the _Star of Nanching_ view, that'll be even bigger, but the _Singapore Flyer_ isn't open yet, and it's going to be bigger than any of them, but I won't have the simulation..."

"McKay. Breathe." John didn't even turn as he spoke the words, he was still captivated by the whole thing. "We're moving?"

"Not really," Rodney replied. "Rocking back and forth, but the rest of it comes from slight changes in  gravity, and putting a breeze in, plus the sound effects..." 

They came to an apparent halt at the top of the wheel, their bench rockign slowly in the artificial wind. "This is amazing," John murmured. He twisted around in his seat and looked -- sure enough, the view was three-hundred-sixty degrees. "You built me a Ferris wheel."

John turned back to look directly at Rodney, whose face was pink and expression abashed. "Well, you'll have to share it, I mean, it can't be _just_ for you, obviously, but..."

"You built me a Ferris wheel." 

Rodney half shrugged and ducked his head. "In essence, I guess... yeah."

"You're something else, McKay," John murmured, as a wide smile spread across his face. "It's like the holodeck on _Star Trek_!"

"So... you like it?" Rodney still had that tentative look on his face for some damn reason.

"It's a _Ferris wheel_ , McKay! Of course I do. I love it." As he spoke, they started 'moving' again, gradually descending. The simulation was so complete he could see the people in the next... what was that, a gondola? 

Rodney held the remote out again and halted their progress down. He was grinning a mile wide. "I--" he started, then closed his mouth, then opened it again. Finally, he just leaned over, framed John's face in his hands and kissed him.

John Sheppard wasn't the most perceptive of men, especially when it came to himself. He literally never saw it coming, even when it was (apparently, in hindsight) right in front of his nose. He felt Rodney's lips now and thought, whoa, then he started filling in the blanks. Anything that goes more than two hundred miles per hour. Golf. College football. Ferris wheels. Find out what the person you're interested in likes and act accordingly. If she likes flowers, buy her a plant.

If he likes Ferris wheels...

John's brain went DING! and he thought, oh! Interest! But... He pulled away just a bit so he could see Rodney's face without crossing his eyes. "Uh..." He'd thought Rodney was straight.

Rodney pulled back sharply, his expression faltering. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't... I mean, it wasn't... I can just..." he held the remote in one hand and made to press another button.

John dove for it, grabbing it out of Rodney's hand. "Wait! Don't shut it down!" 

"I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't meant to take--"

"McKay, stop it. It's just... I mean... I thought you were... you know... straight?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I'm from _Canada_ , Sheppard. Of course I'm not straight. Not completely, anyway. And I'm sorry--"

"No, no, don't be sorry, I'm sorry, you just... you just..." Giving words up as a lost cause, John reached over and pulled Rodney into another kiss. 

Damn. Rodney could kiss.

When they finally broke apart, John was panting and getting towards hard. Rodney's face was flushed and his eyes dazed. "You just took me by surprise," John whispered.

After a couple of seconds and some rapid blinking, Rodney said, "What?" Then he reared back and repeated himself, incredulously. "What? I took you... surprise? Are you nuts? I've been... it's been months... I've been..."

John was still grinning, he could feel it. "I guess I'm just slow, Rodney." Then he leaned in and took Rodney's mouth again, shutting him up most effectively.

When John came back up for air, he realized they were both getting rather turned on, especially if the hot, hard lump he could feel in Rodney's pants was any indication. "I like making out with you on a Ferris wheel," John murmured.

"We should probably go somewhere else," Rodney said, humming as his hands groped John pretty thoroughly. "Not too secure, you know, here..."

"Okay. But I want to ride some more." 

Rodney's expression was amused and lascivious and John dropped his head. "Not _that_ way," he mumbled.

"Oh," Rodney murmured, his eyes alight. "That's too bad."

John blinked... he had the feeling he was in serious trouble. Hopefully.

Rodney pressed a button and they were moving again, but this time, they snuggled together, kissing slowly and wetly and really, really hot and sloppy and damn. Rodney really was a good kisser. A _really_ good kisser. Then Rodney pulled away and said, "Hey, does this mean I still have to be nice to everybody? I mean, I know we're not married, and... I know we can't, but does this mean... I mean..."

John leaned over and kissed Rodney again. After a moment's thought, he gently broke the kiss and said, "Nah. I think I like you just the way you are." 

end


End file.
